If You Like It Then You Shouldha Put A Ring Onnit

Judith: So, I guess since I’m traveling alone and I don’t want guys bothering me on public transport and such, I’m going to wear this ambiguous ring on my left ring finger – it’s wooden, so it doesn’t look like a wedding ring, but it kind of looks like I’m not available either.

God: You don’t actually need a ring to protect you, you know that, right?

Judith: Yeah, but Let’s Go Mexico suggested it!

God: It’s still kind of lying, you know.

Judith: Oh come on. It can’t hurt! And I’m really not looking.

God: But maybe I’m looking out for you, and you really don’t need a little wooden ring to protect you cos you have the Almighty God who made Heaven and Earth?

Judith: Nope, gonna wear the ring.

….

One week later, I have a large growth on my ring, third and second finger.

Judith: Um, I guess I can’t wear this ring anymore. Ahhh … what will I do? Now people will think I’m single!

God: You ARE single.

Judith: Um, yes.

God: I will send you to an apartment with two medical students.

Judith: Hi, Jennifer and Nike! I have this weird blistery thingy on my hand.

Jennifer: First of all, you should not still be wearing those rings, even on your right hand.

Judith: OK.

Jennifer: I will look up Access Medicine to make sure that it doesn’t get serious.

Judith: You mean it’s serious?

Jennifer: Think about it this way. We are preventing it from getting serious. How long have you been wearing those rings?

Judith: About a month?

Jennifer: Er, and when did it start to get uncomfortable?

Judith: About a week ago?

Jennifer: And you kept wearing the rings?

Judith: Yeah.

Jennifer gives me an argh-laymen-they-don’t-know-anything look

Jennifer (bandaging and anointing my fingers with petroleum jelly) : I’m kind of angry you were still wearing those rings.

Judith: OK I guess I won’t wear those rings.

Sigh.

Moral of the story: Put not your faith in rings!

Illegal Bunny Problem

I have a confession to make: I had an illegal bunny for my last semester at college. For the longest time this was a source of great delight and a certain perverse pleasure in doing something that is expressly forbidden (sound familiar?) which I thought perfectly harmless. But this journey so far has made me change my mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Moonbun, who is one of the best bunnies in the world, in my totally unbiased opinion. But unfortunately, deception is a sin – not just lying, but any kind of lying by omission, even if it is for as innocent a purpose as housing a cute bunny for a semester who would not otherwise have anywhere to go. You would think that, as someone who is affiliated with Australia, I would have learned the lesson of Australia: namely, do not bring bunnies where they do not belong. However, I did not heed the lesson of Australia, and my bunny caused me quite a bit of trouble by biting through the wire of my computer charger.

Now my computer is from a large conglomerate that charges a lot of money for replacement chargers, and I am a poor recent grad who is spending her life savings on circumnavigating the globe. So I reasoned that if I didn’t tell them that a bunny chewed through the wire I would be doing no great wrong, when I asked for a free replacement charger. Not true. $80 is not worth exchanging for deception, as it turns out.

So when I went on this journey I kind of subconsciously forgot my charger (I know, BAD PLANNING!). And for the first two weeks I had to sheepishly explain my bunny story to various people who had compatible chargers. Then finally when I reached Iowa I realized that this was just not going to happen because non of my cousins had compatible chargers, and I had to buy one – and I paid the tax and the commission on Best Buy, and also sort of had to go around with tail between legs because I had a) lied to my dorm about not having a bunny b) lied to the computer company that a bunny did not chew through my charger wire. Sigh.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time!

Moonbun, who was named after the Bunny in the Moon.

Moonbun, disguised by my mother as William Shakespeare for the final move out of the dorm.

If you have Nothing to Say, just Shuddup.

“A wise man fears and departs from evil;
But a full rages and is self-confident.”

“Wisdom sits quietly in the heart of him who has understanding;
But what is in the heart of fools is made known.”

Proverbs

So Jordan and I were having this conversation the week before Commencement. I was telling her about my trip to Switzerland last year, with Eugene. Now, I really wanted to go and see Switzerland, legendary country which has done Everything Right and is Racially Harmonious and has Traveling Youngsters and Community Service and Nice Mountains and all that. Well, actually it was between Switzerland and Sweden, because Sweden developed Democracy over a span of 200 years with gradual accumulation and is one of the best places to live in in the world today.

So at the time, Eugene and I flipped a coin to see if we were going to Switzerland or Sweden. The lot fell on Sweden. But then we kept looking up flights and Switzerland was cheaper. So we went to Switzerland. I wasn’t sure if my mum would take kindly to me traveling alone with a guy, even though he was just a friend, so I decided I would present it as a fait accompli after the fact, so that she would a) know, and b) not worry. However, I decided to tell my dad, so at least one of them would know where I was.

Jordan said, wisely, “You know the Bible doesn’t just tell you not to say false things, right? Deception is also a sin.”

I thought about this. “You’re right. Cos lying by omission is as bad as telling a lie. It has the same effect.”

So, actually, if I had told my mother categorically, “I am not going to Switzerland,” then I would be lying. But she would believe the same thing as if I didn’t tell her I was going to Switzerland, if I was indeed going to Switzerland.

So I did lie.

Anyway, as it turns out, the first day I am in Switzerland I get a rather mysterious email from my dad that my mum “found out” that I was in Switzerland (I wonder how that happened, Dad…………) and was OK with it as long as I was safe. And for the rest of the trip I felt a lot less guilty.

In Switzerland I met a very interesting Singaporean man who had moved to the Alps. “Why the Alps?” I asked.

“Well, look outside your window. Isn’t it beautiful? I wanted to live closer to God, very close to the sky.”