Judith: So, I guess since I’m traveling alone and I don’t want guys bothering me on public transport and such, I’m going to wear this ambiguous ring on my left ring finger – it’s wooden, so it doesn’t look like a wedding ring, but it kind of looks like I’m not available either.
God: You don’t actually need a ring to protect you, you know that, right?
Judith: Yeah, but Let’s Go Mexico suggested it!
God: It’s still kind of lying, you know.
Judith: Oh come on. It can’t hurt! And I’m really not looking.
God: But maybe I’m looking out for you, and you really don’t need a little wooden ring to protect you cos you have the Almighty God who made Heaven and Earth?
Judith: Nope, gonna wear the ring.
….
One week later, I have a large growth on my ring, third and second finger.
Judith: Um, I guess I can’t wear this ring anymore. Ahhh … what will I do? Now people will think I’m single!
God: You ARE single.
Judith: Um, yes.
God: I will send you to an apartment with two medical students.
Judith: Hi, Jennifer and Nike! I have this weird blistery thingy on my hand.
Jennifer: First of all, you should not still be wearing those rings, even on your right hand.
Judith: OK.
Jennifer: I will look up Access Medicine to make sure that it doesn’t get serious.
Judith: You mean it’s serious?
Jennifer: Think about it this way. We are preventing it from getting serious. How long have you been wearing those rings?
Judith: About a month?
Jennifer: Er, and when did it start to get uncomfortable?
Judith: About a week ago?
Jennifer: And you kept wearing the rings?
Judith: Yeah.
Jennifer gives me an argh-laymen-they-don’t-know-anything look
Jennifer (bandaging and anointing my fingers with petroleum jelly) : I’m kind of angry you were still wearing those rings.
Judith: OK I guess I won’t wear those rings.
Sigh.
Moral of the story: Put not your faith in rings!
B O A T 